Friday, September 24, 2010

Changes

We are having a baby in 6 weeks, Holy Cow, are we ready for this? It's overwhelming to think about the changes that will be coming our way in November. It will no longer be just Dan and I. Our Saturday nights will no longer revolve around where we go out to dinner, or what movie to see. Our perfectly put together apartment will be cluttered up with toys, dirty diapers, and bottles. Dressing up and going out will be a thing of the past. But I can't help but think that even with all the endless nights of no sleep, we will never be happier or have more satisfaction than from being parents.

For many years, I struggled with the decision to become a mom. The thought of pregnancy and having a little baby was very intimidating for me. After working in the temple for several months, I couldn't stop the nagging feeling that it was time, and we needed to start thinking seriously about starting a family.

At first, I would push the thoughts out of my mind. Every Friday night would come, I would walk into the temple for my 5 hour shift, and the thoughts returned. It seemed to be what was on my mind most while working in the temple. It was amazing the changes that took place in my heart from working there. I went from being truly afraid of having a child, to realizing that having children and being a mom was one of the most important things I would do in this lifetime.

I never thought that I would experience such a strong desire to become a mother. Now that we are 6 weeks away from holding and loving our own little Max, I still have a lot of mixed feelings. Of course I am excited, but I am also very anxious to be a good mother.

I know we will make a lot of mistakes and it's easy to have all these dreams about what type of parents we want to be before having kids. I know the hardest parts are just ahead, and I will do many things I regret. But I am going to try harder at being a good mom than I have at anything else in my life. After that all I can do is just hope for really forgiving children that can easily forget everything I will do wrong.

P.S. Yeah yeah yeah for fall! It's the best time of year, and it just gets better with Christmas right around the corner too!

5 comments:

Layla said...

Maybe I should work in the temple to help soften my feelings about having children.

You will be a fab mom! I am so excited for you and Dan.

EPBarker said...

Thanks for sharing this post. It was exactly what I needed to hear at this moment in my life. Bless you, my dear!

Scott & Christie Lamb said...

Yay!!! I can't beleive you are that close! You are going to Be a wonderful mama I just know it :-) I'm so excited to meet max! Well, in pictures that is ;-) love ya and hope you're feeling well Miss ya!

The Jatens said...

You are just amazing, did you know that?!? You are going to be a wonderful mother. It is hard sometimes, but the most wonderful thing that will ever happen in your life. I think being a parent changes people for the good. I am proud of you and I love you so much.

Linda Boren said...

That's my girl! You have a deep spirituality that is inspiring to me. Max is very lucky to have you to teach & love him. You are EXACTLY the mother he needs and is meant to have. You & Dan & Max will change each other (for the better) forever. I love you.
~Mom